This is something I'm trying to teach myself - to really mean what I say instead of just saying something nice that skirts the issue. I get irritated because people take me at face value without understanding what I meant, even though I didn't say it. It's my fault, and I hate that.
I have 2 examples of this.
1. I'm in the process of updating some of our lab computers, they're ancient old beasties and it's time for new ones. Particularly on the instrument that I use the most. That's the good news. Here's the irritation: We have lots of types of this instrument in the lab, each one is a little different, but they're the same basic instrument. Each serves it's own purpose, and each of us have a favorite - whether it's for comfort, ease of use or because of a specific capability. The one I use is the only one that can do my experiments, so I get priority. Yesterday a labmate asked me when I would be replacing the computer (I just got the quotes so it was kind of a stupid question), because she wanted to know if she had to work around it's arrival. That's fine, but what initially irritated me was that she was more concerned with planning around a computer being here than planning around my daily usage, or even asking me since she doesn't know how to use this particular instrument. Instead of telling her not to worry about the computer but to please ask me before she wanted to use it, which is what I meant, I told her to let me know when she was planning to use it so I could work around her. Argh! Why did I say that???
2. This morning I wanted to get into lab early because I have to leave early tonight and I have a lot that I need to do. I told my husband that I'd be ready in 5 minutes at 8am. His response wasn't ok, I'll get some shoes on (he needed the car today), it was, "well, ok, if you're going to be ready in 5 minutes I'm going to make breakfast". Huh??? Instead of saying what I meant - I'd like to leave in 5 minutes, I left it open ended, and 20 minutes later we walked out the door. I was irritated because breakfast isn't a 5 minute task and he dawdles and awful lot, but I didn't say anything. I still maintain it was very rude of him regardless, but I should have just said what I meant.
This is my goal for June, to really say what I mean. We'll see how it goes.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Frustrating frustrating. We only ever seem to think of the right words when the moment has passed. All I can advise is that if the topic comes up in converstion again, be prepared for it, with a response ready. More centered around your needs, than hers.
It's good to recognise the problem in yourself even if fixing it isn't the easiest thing to do.
I myself used to never say no. Even if I was already swamped, I would answer "yes, no problem". i'm much better at prioritising now, or at least making the other person aware that if I accept what they are asking me to do, it will be a while before it happens because of other commitments. But stil sometimes my mouth beats my brain to it!
I know! I failed miserably already...the boss started giving me excuses about not getting the paper back to me, and instead of nailing him down for a time-line, I said okay. I couldn't believe myself! Classic case of the mouth beating the brain :$
D'oh! Damn mouth beating the brain to it!
Post a Comment